Hey there! Let’s talk about something hard to face but crucial for growth: not getting the recognition you think you deserve. Yeah, it stings. But what if I told you there is power in those moments? You can get it even when you don’t get it. Let’s break it down.
Clear Expectations Create the Foundation
When recognition is on the table, one of the critical steps is clarity. If people don’t know the expectations, how can they achieve them? Clearly defined criteria for rewards and recognition make all the difference in schools, workplaces, and life in general. If students know they need straight A’s or to hit the honor roll, they can focus on the target. Without this clarity, confusion breeds frustration- which will directly impact the culture and climate of your school, my friends.
In my keynote, I shared a story about a young girl who was not recognized for the honor roll because she didn’t meet the criteria. Sure, she was upset. But here’s the kicker: She knew what was required to earn the recognition. That knowledge became her driving force to improve. That’s what clarity does—it lays the groundwork for growth.
Learning in the Losing
Here’s a truth bomb: there’s value in feeling bad when you don’t achieve something. Yeah, I said it. Losing, failing, or being left out can teach us way more than we realize. It’s what you learn when you don’t win.
We live in a “participation trophy” world, where everyone gets something just for showing up. But real growth happens when we experience that sting of not getting what we want. It fuels motivation. It sparks determination. It’s not punishment—it’s preparation for the next level.
When that young girl didn’t make the honor roll, she felt it. That feeling turned into action. She worked harder, stayed focused, and earned her spot the next time. You can’t bribe someone into lasting success. It is earned through effort and understanding.
Motivation Comes From Within
Motivation is internal. I’ve been called a motivational speaker, but don’t motivate anyone—I inspire, encourage, and enlighten. The fire to push forward has to come from inside you. There is no switch to flip, and you can’t have it delivered to your porch.
When you don’t get the recognition you want, don’t let it crush you. Use it. Ask yourself, “What’s the criteria? What do I need to do to reach the next level?” That’s where real power comes from— internal drive.
Stay True to the Criteria
If you’re in a leadership role—teacher, coach, boss, or parent—your job is to stay true to your set criteria. Stay true to your word, and don’t bend the rules just because someone feels bad. An important lesson is found in this moment. Recognition has more value when it’s earned, not given.
Yes, it’s hard to watch someone struggle. But remember: there’s growth in the struggle. Be clear, “Here’s what’s required. Now go do it.” When they finally achieve it, the pride they’ll feel will be unmatched.
Embrace the Process
You get it when you don’t get it. Moments of rejection or failure hold the lessons that lead to success. I challenge all students, administrators, and leaders to embrace those moments. Define your goals. Stay true to your standards. And if you fall short, don’t quit. Learn. Grow. Stand tall.
You’ve got this. Let’s thrive together!
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